The last 4 days are a blur of crying, screaming, questioning... and then silence. It's been extremely hard for me to make last Thursday's events a reality. Yes, I got the phone call. Yes, I sat around all day in disbelief. Yes, my husband thankfully came home. I just cannot (will not?) accept the truth that Rob's colleague, Wilma's husband, our friend.... is gone forever.
Today Richard was gracefully and beautifully brought to his final resting place. I've looked forward to this day with much anticipation, sadness, and fear. Grief has overwhelmed this house for the past few days, and I needed confirmation that this nightmare was a reality-- as much as I wish this nightmare had been just that, a nightmare.
It has been overwhelmingly difficult for me to not put Rob in Richard's shoes. I feel incredibly selfish for thinking this way, because a wonderful woman actually did lose her husband. But in the moments that I have time to let my thoughts wonder I look at our beautiful children, at the life we are building here in America, and then at myself in the mirror, and I wonder how the hell I would do this alone.
It's true what they say... "you never realize what you have until it's gone." As unfortunate as it is, this tragic event has been a huge slap in the face to make us realize what we have. Our hugs are a little bit longer and tighter, our "I love yous" are heard more often, and we aren't so quick to tell the boys "I'm too tired" to play a game.
The service yesterday was breathtakingly beautiful. He was buried with full Dutch and American military honors at sunset at a serene location. Gunshots fired as Wilma and her family were presented with both the Dutch and American flags. They did a roll call of Richard's colleagues. Rob's name was called, and tears fell from my cheeks as I heard him loudly say, "Here First Sargent!" Captain Richard v/d Perre was called. There was silence. He was called two more times, and my last hope of hearing him chime in with, "WAZZUP?" was gone with the chilling silence that followed. And as the sun began to seep below the tree line, Richard's family followed him to his final resting place.
Rust zacht, vriend.
Fly Forever.
May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
